Thoughts

Time has gone and life has moved on and changed. Well a lot of things at least. But some things are still stuck the same. Like the memories that pop up when I walk on certain streets in the city. The memories that consume my brain when I feel the same scent on someone else walking by. The feeling of being someone's first choice and having my first choice clear. I thought that my 6 weeks away would give me some space and distance to everything. And in some way it did. I definitely feel like I’ve done something great and meaningful for myself. But at the same time I can’t help but feeling that everything is still the same back home. I came back to the same place I left. Nothing has really changed. The life here is still the same. The work is the same. The town is the same. The people are the same. Our relationship is the same... non existent. I don’t know what it is that I want. I’m confused. I loved to see how stressed you got seeing me at the bar you were having a drink. I loved how you came to my table trying to get my attention. It shows that you care. But what do I do? Nothing. Like we always do. We act like we don’t see. Like we don’t care. That’s what we’ve always done. We’ve acted proud among each other. Instead we should’ve acted true with each other. Talking to one another. Telling our thoughts and feelings. Then maybe it would’ve worked. But now we are apart. We don’t speak. You are with someone else. I’m figuring things out after you broke me. I know it’s for the better. You were not right for me. But sometimes I just think about what could’ve been even tho I know it’s useless. Do you?